Dispatches from the Lazy Lounge, vol. 8

In Poptopia, everyone’s a bitch!!!

Taken from this NME article.  Pardon me for my occasional kibitzing insides, but you just have to hand it especially to UK artists for polishing the fine art of unsubtle putting-down to new heights!

Bono on Chris Martin: “[He's] a completely dysfunctional character and a cretin. But he happens to be a great melodist.” (Radio 1, 2009)

Ian McCulloch on U2: “It was like, ‘Wanted: spud-peeler who can sing.’ And they were like, ‘Yes! I can peel the spuds, and you can tune the guitars’.” (Flaunt magazine, 2008)

Faris Badwan (The Horrors) on The Enemy: “You’ve got to hand it to these boys. They’re hungry, young and they’ve defied natural selection.” (NME Awards, 2008)

Wayne Coyne (Flaming Lips) on Arcade Fire: “They have good tunes, but they’re pricks, so fuck ‘em.” (Rolling Stone, 2009)

Win Butler (Arcade Fire) on Wayne Coyne: “I hope I was less of a ‘prick’ than telling Rolling Stone that a bunch of people I don’t know at all are really assholes.” (Arcadefire.com, 2009)

Alan McGee to Brian Eno: “Was it your idea to dress Coldplay up as The Beatles? And when are you going to make a decent record again? The last one was in 1972, cunt.”

Brian Eno to Alan McGee: “Fuck off, wanker.” (Twitter, 2009)

Miley Cyrus on Radiohead (after being  ’snubbed’ by the band at the Grammys): “I was so upset. I wasn’t going to watch. Stinkin’ Radiohead! I’m gonna ruin them, I’m going to tell everyone.” (Johnjay and Rich radio show, 2009)

Radiohead on Miley Cyrus: “When Miley grows up, she’ll learn not to have such a sense of entitlement.” (Manager’s press statement, 2009)

(serves her right)

Richey Edwards (Manic Street Preachers) on shoegaze bands: “I will always hate Slowdive more than Hitler.” (NME, 1991)

Pete Doherty on Razorlight: “Johnny Borrell is a poisonous snake.” (NME 2005)

Cheryl Cole on Pete Doherty: “[He] is not a poet. He writes shit. He is a waste of fresh air.” (The Sun, 2007)

Lily Allen on Cheryl Cole: “I may not be as pretty as you but at least I write and sing my own songs without the aid of autotune. I must say taking your clothes off, doing sexy dancing and marrying a rich footballer must be very gratifying, your mother must be so proud, stupid bitch.” (Myspace blog, 2007)

Lily Allen on Victoria Beckham: “The Beckhams are sickening. Everyone knows Victoria is a monster. I’d rather shoot myself between the eyes than be a WAG (Wives And Girlfriends – referring to footballers’ significant others)” (SoFoot Magazine, 2009)

(owww…Wayne Rooney ditched you???)

Noel Gallagher on Kaiser Chiefs: “I did drugs for 18 years and I never got that bad as to say, ‘You know what? I think the Kaiser Chiefs are brilliant’.” (BBC Newsbeat, 2008)

Beth Ditto on Katy Perry: “['I Kissed A Girl' is] a boner dyke anthem for straight girls who like to turn guys on by faking gay. She’s just riding on the backs of [lesbian] culture.” (The London Paper, 2009)

Katy Perry on Beth Ditto: “I’m not impressed. I’ve learned in the past year that one artist should never insult another artist’s music — it’s tacky.” (The London Paper, 2009)

(soooo professional…but then what can one expect from a frustrated Christian-pop artist)

Paul Weller on Freddie Mercury.”He said he wanted to bring ballet to the working classes. What a cunt.” (Uncut, 2006)

Trent Reznor on Chris Cornell: “You know that feeling you get when somebody embarrasses themselves so badly YOU feel uncomfortable? Heard Chris Cornell’s record? Jesus.” (Twitter, 2009)

Chris Cornell on Trent Reznor: “Has anyone seen Judas? He was here a minute ago.”

Morrissey on Robert Smith: “A fat clown with make up weeping over a guitar.” (NME, 1989)

Robert Smith on Morrissey: “Morrissey’s so depressing… if he doesn’t kill himself soon, I probably will.” (NME, 1990)

Brandon Flowers on Fall Out Boy: “Emo is dangerous. There’s a creature inside me that wants to beat all those bands to death.” (NME, 2006)

Noel Gallagher on Jack White: “[He] did a song for Coca-Cola. He’s meant to be the posterboy for the alternative way of thinking. And he looks like Zorro on doughnuts.” (NME, 2005)

Eminem on Moby: “You thirty-six year-old bald-headed fag, blow me!” (‘Without Me’, 2002)

Moby on Eminem: “He should lighten up. I mean, my mom was a bitch too, but I don’t go writing songs about it.” (MTV, 2003)

Corey Taylor (Slipknot) on Coldplay: “['Viva La Vida'] is one of the most self-celebratory pieces of shit I’ve ever fucking heard in my entire life. It’s music to wipe your ass to.” (MTV2, 2008)

Noel Gallagher on Keane: “Traditionally speaking, the three biggest twats in any band are the singer, the keyboardist and the drummer. I don’t need to say anything else.” (NME, 2008)

Patrick Wolf on La Roux: “The week I was dropped they signed her, and all the money that had been going into me was going into her. It was like they took Patrick Wolf and put it into a girl. Where I’m from, it’s not challenging.” (The London Paper, 2009)

Jon Bon Jovi on Axl Rose: “That motherfucker hasn’t made a record in 13 years and he gets all that attention. You know what I’ve done in 13 years? A lot.” (New York Post, 2006)

(yeah,  if you can own up to John Carpenter’s Vampires:  Los Muertos)

Kurt Cobain on Axl Rose: “Ever since the beginning of rock and roll, there’s been an Axl Rose. And it’s just boring. It’s totally boring to me. He’s such an egotistical person that he thinks that the whole world owes him something.” (Melody Maker, 1991)

(given the market reception to Chinese Democracy,  it’s open season for bashing the Rosemeister)

Courtney Love on Dave Grohl: “Dave gets to walk away unscathed and be the happy guy in rock, when he’s one of the biggest jerks. He’s been taking money from my child for years.” (Spin, 2005)

Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic on Courtney Love: “Irrational, mercurial, self-centered, unmanageable, inconsistent and unpredictable… a greedy prima donna with a waning recording and acting career.” (Lawsuit, 2003)

Sharon Osbourne on (Iron Maiden’s) Bruce Dickinson: “[He] has a chip on his shoulder. The bottom line is, it’s not my fault that his solo records are shit.” (Attitude, 2005)

Bruce Dickinson on Sharon Osbourne: “In her world, facelifts are really important. In my world, I don’t give a fuck. I get old and I get wrinkly. Who gives a shit?” (Close-Up magazine, 2006)

Josh Homme on Sharon Osbourne: “The question is, do I actually care if Sharon likes me? It’s like, ‘Hitler doesn’t like you.’ Big deal. What’s she going to do, breathe on me?” (KTVU.COM, 2007)

50 Cent on Kanye West: “It’s not possible for Kanye to beat me. It’s like the teddy bear versus the gorilla. Kanye sucks.” (AJ’s Playhouse, 2007)

Kanye West on 50 Cent: “It’s almost like if a little kid walks up to you at the airport and is like, ‘Man, I love you so much’ – and then you spit on him.” (MTV, 2007)

Etta James on Beyonce. “She’s gonna get her ass whupped. I can’t stand her. She has no business up there, on a big ol’ President day, singing my song (‘At Last’) that I’ve been singing forever.” (TMZ, 2009)

(now that is what I call a bitchfest, pt. I)

Tom Clarke (The Enemy) on Arctic Monkeys: “[The first album] was top. And then I was bitterly disappointed when I got the second – just dull.” (The Mirror, 2008)

Liam Fray on The Enemy: “That band are a bunch of little fucking pricks.” (NME, 2007) Pic: PA Photos

Liam Gallagher on The Enemy (who were originally lined up to support Oasis at Heaton Park): “Having read an interview with Tom Clarke apparently Oasis are past it? Do you want to go on first or what, you little fucker?” (Twitter, 2009)

(fits their name – The Enemy sure knows how to make lots of them)

My Chemical Romance on Marilyn Manson: “If Elvis Costello said we sucked we would think about it a bit – but usually it is comments from someone with a new record to promote, so the remarks ring hollow.” (Rock Sound, 2007)

Christina Aguilera on Fred Durst: “You didn’t get no nookie! Screw you! He made such an ass out of himself and looks like a scumbag to everyone. End of story.” (MTV, 2003)

Perez Hilton on Lily Allen: “She has no sense of humour. She takes herself way too seriously.” (PerezHilton.com, 2009)

Mike Patton on Red Hot Chili Peppers: “They had us [Mr Bungle] kicked off several festival bills. That’s so fucking pathetic! I mean, this guy’s selling a million records, we are not even a speck of dust on this guy’s ass. What’s the fucking problem?” (The Onion, 1999)

Sammy Hagar on David Lee Roth (pictured), who preceded him as vocalist in Van Halen: “He’s half the singer and half the performer he used to be. He spray paints his hair on, and acts like it’s 1982. It’s like Liberace. It’s a joke.”

Frank Carter (Gallows) on Sex Pistols: “They were a bunch of junkies. They mean nothing to me. They were intent on destroying everything, themselves first.” (ShockHound.com, 2008)

Mark ‘E’ Everett on The Beatles: “John Lennon sings about peace because he’s a woman-beater. Hippies are so full of shit.” (Uncut Magazine, 2009)

Morrissey on Elton John: “He is pushing his face in all the time and telling us about his private life. Nobody’s interested. He should just go away.” (NME, 1987)

(now that is what I call a bitchfest, pt. II)

Lars Ulrich on Megadeth’s Dave Mustaine: “He was in our band (Metallica) for a year, and it was 22 years ago. It’s sad and pathetic that [being kicked out] still can be that big a deal.” (So What!, 2006)

Music