Jonesin’
Posted by emperorbananaketchup on May 30, 2008
Too bad I didn’t make it during the first-day screening (upon which I’d really be eager to tell the rest of the world if a film is good to watch or just to skip). In that case, I decided to rely on the goodwill of a Movie Franchise™ and finally catch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
For that, I had to really reset my brains…that meant looking forward to the visceral junk-food thrills that George Lucas™ and Steven Seag…oooopps, I mean Spielberg™’s combined homage to b&w serial cliffhangers of the Twenties/Thirties promises to deliver.
Just to jog your memory…original theatrical trailer for Raiders of the Lost Ark
WWII is over…that means instead of nasty Nazis, we now have curvaceous Commies (in the person of Cate Blanchett’s Irina Spalko character, who styles herself as “Stalin’s fair-haired girl” while looking like a toned-down dominatrix) and their lunkheaded allies (Yes. It was in the news. Russia’s Communist Party were even considering a “fatwa” against Ford and Blanchett, accusing them of being “running dogs for the CIA”. Now that beats a Communist Party of the Philippines spokesman blaming President Arroyo for Crispin Beltran’s death. How rich.) In the opening sequences, we see Indy being taken for a ride by a pair of Feds (who look like Don Vito’s consiglieres) all the way into Area 51 in Nevada. His money-grubbing comrade Mac (you can always rely on a Brit actor to play someone who can literally stab you on the back. How rich.) betrays Indy on a posse of Russkies under Spalko’s command. The ensuing fight triggers a nuclear explosion, where Indy-boy saves his ass by hiding out in a lead-lined refrigerator in the suburban mock-up town next to the testing center (Indy in the suburban jungle??? How rich.)
Well, Indiana’s back teaching college students but he finds his sinecure under peril for his association with Mac. He considers a long furlough in NYC but his idyll gets interrupted when Mutt Williams (Shia LaPoo …oops, I mean LeBoeuf) steps into his life , vrooming onto the scene like Marlon Brando in “The Wild One” (Mr. Brando may be rolling in his grave on this one…but that…Phil of the Future!!! As me?????)
Next thing he knows, he (Mutt in tow) is off to Peru (supposedly to investigate the Nazca lines being messages from extra-terrestrial “gods”)…where he bumps into – tan tan-an-annnn!!! Marion Ravenwood!!! His barmaid-paramour from Raiders of the Lost Ark is at it again, still on the trail of lost cities and the treasures they contain within. From Peru, the destined trio venture into the heart of the Amazon jungle, where they do not so much as worry about piranha and candiru but ravenous, carnivorous fire ants by the gajillion. Eventually joining them would be that oh-sooo-reliable turncoat Mac and Oxley, a former colleague of Jones who appears to have been driven mad by a Crystal Skull that he has in his possession.
A lushly-photographed and innovatively-executed chase-scene-cum-swordfight takes place in the jungles, followed by the temple scene involving a puzzle-based unlocking (methinks this was better done, though, in National Treasure: Book of Secrets). John Hurt really does steal his scenes as the addled Oxley, while Ray Winstone’s Mac does provide nefarious comic relief. Thankfully, Cate Blanchett resists pushing the camp envelope as Irina Spalko – she could have become Natasha Fatale if she tried.
Boris & Natasha from the original Rocky & Bullwinkle cartoons
Harrison Ford is still in the game, quipping away danger as usual; I’m pretty much amazed as to how his pushing-60 frame could withstand the falls and bruises he encounters in his adventures (liked the way he backed into the truck’s windscreen). Shia, in fairness, pulls a decent Brando impresh (complete with switchblade flicking skills); that should, however, rekindle interest into the original’s Fifties body of work.
Kinda surprised though, as to how this film managed to get by with a GP-rating in local cinemas even if there was a mild amount of swearing (though thankfully none of the F— and M-F variety). Loyal fans may be pleased at references to the other Indy films carefully placed within this one (for starters, check out what’s with the booty being stored over at Area 51.)
All that I can say is that I’m satisfied (inspite of the rather corny cliche ending) and Indy can now lay his hat and whip to rest (No Mutt, not yet…)
Movie reviews
Stephen Tvedten said
You can kill fire ants with aspartame or orange juice and repel them with baby powder – Learn how to kill pests without killing yourself or the earth……
There are about 50 to 60 million insect species on earth – we have named only about 1 million and there are only about 1 thousand pest species – already over 50% of these thousand pests are already resistant to our volatile, dangerous, synthetic pesticide POISONS. We accidentally lose about 25,000 to 100,000 species of insects, plants and animals every year due to “man’s footprint”. But, after poisoning the entire world and contaminating every living thing for over 60 years with these dangerous and ineffective pesticide POISONS we have not even controlled much less eliminated even one pest species and every year we use/misuse more and more pesticide POISONS to try to “keep up”! Even with all of this expensive and unnecessary pollution – we lose more and more crops and lives to these thousand pests every year.
We are losing the war against these thousand pests mainly because we insist on using only synthetic pesticide POISONS and fertilizers There has been a severe “knowledge drought” – a worldwide decline in agricultural R&D, especially in production research and safe, more effective pest control since the advent of synthetic pesticide POISONS and fertilizers. Today we are like lemmings running to the sea insisting that is the “right way”. The greatest challenge facing humanity this century is the necessity for us to double our global food production with less land, less water, less nutrients, less science, frequent droughts, more and more contamination and ever-increasing pest damage.
National Poison Prevention Week, March 18-24,2007 was created to highlight the dangers of poisoning and how to prevent it. One study shows that about 70,000 children in the USA were involved in common household pesticide-related (acute) poisonings or exposures in 2004. At least two peer-reviewed studies have described associations between autism rates and pesticides (D’Amelio et al 2005; Roberts EM et al 2007 in EHP). It is estimated that 300,000 farm workers suffer acute pesticide poisoning each year just in the United States – No one is checking chronic contamination.
In order to try to help “stem the tide”, I have just finished re-writing my IPM encyclopedia entitled: THE BEST CONTROL II, that contains over 2,800 safe and far more effective alternatives to pesticide POISONS. This latest copyrighted work is about 1,800 pages in length and is now being updated at my new website at http://www.thebestcontrol2.com .
This new website at http://www.thebestcontrol2.com has been basically updated; all we have left to update is Chapter 39 and to renumber the pages. All of these copyrighted items are free for you to read and/or download. There is simply no need to POISON yourself or your family or to have any pest problems.
Stephen L. Tvedten
2530 Hayes Street
Marne, Michigan 49435
1-616-677-1261
When a man who is honestly mistaken hears the truth, he will either quit being mistaken or cease to be honest.
“An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come.” –Victor Hugo
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” — Martin Luther King Jr.